there's a little yogic story, not sure where it comes from, that so accurately describes the ego's resistance to change. it's about a raindrop falling from the sky that is so desperately attached to its identity. so fearful of changing form. as it plummets down from the clouds, it exclaims "i am a raindrop! i am a RAINDROP! I AM A RAINDROP!" and then, the raindrop lands in the ocean. deep breath here. as the raindrop merges with the sea, it asserts, with calm recognition, "i am the ocean."
i keep coming back to the idea of expansion. getting bigger and calling in abundance. but, truth is, i've been working against a contracted state lately. tight. inflexible. scared. indulging the duality of heart and mind. not able to release the tensions that i feel. not willing? not surrendering. i've felt like i've had porcupine quills made up of little wire coils surrounding my exterior this past week. bristly and sending out high pitched shrilly signals when rattled. not really lined up with the smooth, huggable, expansive grinning soul that i want to be.
sometimes that is the truth. that in these little death and re-birth cycles we go through, we bring unconscious opposition and resistance to something that is organically happening. because this thing i am experiencing, this recreation, isn't really about efforting. it's about another chapter, layer, level of letting go. getting to what's already there. yes, it's about surrender again. surrender to what's coming. surrender to the season, the day, the work and the practice of it all. surrender to the ease and flow that must be underneath all this tightness that i've been covering it up with.
not surprising, i've been drawn to spend more time at the ocean since i've begun this process. i'm typically more of a mountain girl; trees, rivers and rocks being my scene. i think this raindrop needed to be reminded of the sea. that i am that, all of it. beyond the rocky shore, beyond the crashing waves, beyond the horizon and all the way to the places around the world i want to go.
just have to dive in. trust. (dis)integrate. and let go of all that surface tension.
beautiful and powerful...
Posted by: denise | 28 June 2009 at 09:16 AM
Very inspirational writing! I love metaphors that refer to the ocean - it is such a place of rebirth - all of our strength - thanks for this. Reminded me of another quote I heard from Penelope (of Penelope Illustrations):
“When I know that I am the ocean, I am not afraid of the waves.”
Posted by: Kifness | 30 June 2009 at 12:56 PM